Balance

WOO HOO the sun is out - finally.

Its a normal day around my house - a list of "things to do" that is too long but one can hope (which by the way, this making a blog thing totally wasn't on the list), only 6 or 7 obligations this weekend 6 of which are kid related and yes, probably involve a referee.

But hey, don't slam me and call me a soccer/lax/basketball mom with that judgemental, I know women like her, look on your face. My kids (and myself, for that matter) could be doing a lot worse things this weekend, and we're not! Besides, I'm convinced that watching your kids run around, work up a good sweat - can, by some feat of osmosis, burn calories off my body at the same time! - Yep, scientific thoughts included for free!

So, yea I'm going to give this blog thing a try. Not so sure what it is really all about; but it seems to be the thing to do/try these days, and I'm not gonna be left behind.

I could be one of thousands of moms out there. Always keeping several balls in the air, probably volunteer beyond my time availability, trying to always be sure it's "even" when it comes to my kids, recently went back to work, because the kids are older now, so its okay, right? -- married to a great guy for me, etc., type of mom, you know her, you live beside her, or maybe you are her.

Read between the lines; we are women who are -- trying to do 30 hours in a 24 hour day, love work when I'm there, love home when I'm there - still trying to get that whole "balance" thing down. Yea, and about that, who was the person that said you have to have balance in your life? Wouldn't it be boring if all art was symmetrical? Isn't the clown who precariously wobbles off balance on the top of a huge, tacky dressed up, elephant the thing that entertains us at the circus? Who doesn't gasp with excitement when the gymnast wobbles on the beam, and then catches themself and executes a great dismount...

Truly, I think this balance thing may be overrated. In continually striving for it, I sometimes find that I am missing out on life that is smack right in front of me.

Am I the only mom that hears this innate, resonating growl inside me that says, "you've worked for your boss, but what have you done for your home" the second I walk in the door? And, am I the only mom that (at times) is spurred on to be in full throttle, sudden super woman mode: cooking, in between throwing in laundry, picking up things off the steps as I run up to change, grabbing whatever I can that needs laundering as I come down stairs... and then suddenly, in the blink of a TV channel change, it's 9:00 pm, I'm grumpy and I'm not sure why.

Didn't I do the right thing? - wasn't I striving for that ever evasive sense of calmness and peace that is supposed to fill you (picture soft blend focus and shining light behind me) when you achieve... b a l a n c e ? Didn't I do what the feminists marching in the 70's say we could do -- EVERYTHING? Then why the moping feeling of missing out? Perhaps because I did the THINGS I was supposed to do, but I wasn't really WITH the people I'm supposed to be with, not REALLY with them, yea, they were around when I was in hyper mode vacuuming, but, strangely enough, they weren't into hanging out with me then (??)

Luckily, for me, the growling voice of "perfect woman" inside my head doesn't win to often, and yea, my house doesn't shine all the time, and yea, I laugh till I almost pee sometimes goofing my kids or just watching their antics -- Doesn't your family have rousing balloon volleyball over the coffee table round robins?

Or is this JUST DO IT - HAVE BALANCE in your life stuff just a bunch of wives tales started by the first wives who thought it would be funny to watch us poor souls chase our tails for the rest of our motherhood / life?

OR, maybe, just maybe, does balance REALLY mean, find balance within yourself? Maybe the balance that is really needed is being able to identify what is most important to you, and then being able to know what is too much of anything on a given day, and roll with it, guilt free.

Will I ever go to my deathbed wishing I had scrubbed the kitchen floor before my kid's friends saw that it? Do I really believe that I will somehow regret that my friends popped in one night and saw I hadn't finished the dishes?

There are rules in life to live by, that is for sure, but sometimes bending the rule, to ensure that the spirit of the rule is kept in focus might be the right thing to do.

I will go to my maker one day, as we all will, and I believe I will experience a hyper fast re-wind on my life.

When that happens, I am VERY CERTAIN thatI will wish
- there was 5 more minutes of laughing at reality TV, or anything that cracks us up
with kid # 2.

- 5 more minutes of letting # 3 do my hair, or, if I was really lucky, # 3 letting me
do HER hair.

- Gosh, 5 more minutes with the oldest just talking, as the eldest tends not to talk
as much lately, 'cause you know, it ain't cool to talk to yo mom... :)

I also know I would yearn for more time with my husband, and it wouldn't be that ever negotiating the schedule conversation, it wouldn't be the time I've been stubborn, just because I wanted him to admit I was right, it wouldn't be 5 more minutes of the holiday compromise - which family for which vacation? Heck, it might not even be 5 more minutes (who am I kidding) of that wonderful, early in love, tumble around and wrinkling a sheet time. It would be 5 minutes of just being together, walking together and reflecting on all we should be grateful for.

And then, hopefully, just before the big guy calls me home, then it would happen it would come -the peace that comes - guaranteed - when one feels grateful, of anything and everything they have ever had, the time when you realize that it was all a gift, and it needs to be appreciated and embraced - whether or not - it was all "balanced!"

So these thoughts are my musings on balance. Yes, it may be good to strive for a healthy balance in your life, as long as the race to achieve it doesn't makes you forget what you were striving for in the first place!

Hopefully, after I sign off and get back to life, lists and my kids, I'll find it - you know, that balance thing. I may have it for awhile today and then again, I might loose it tomorrow, but I'll open my eyes and find it again. That is, if I am truly looking for it in all the right places.

Be grateful - it makes you happy. Happy people are fun and successful people.

Have a great day!